Random thoughts & musings of a Michigan newlywed... Look out, I'm changing the world!!

Monday, May 01, 2006

drunk on love & rambling

I had a great weekend. I am still drunk and sleepy with the contentment of it.

I have nothing really spectacular to say about it, either. It wasn't exciting by any means. I hung out with my family, which this weekend included my generally-away-at-school sister. I had a blast just hanging out with her, chatting like we used to be able to do late night when we slept in the same room.

(aah, memories. Mostly of the un-good variety... poor abused bedroom-sharing children).

But I also got to hang out and just relax with J, and that was great. I love it when we get to do nothing together--it's the most delicious feeling in the world. Last night we snuggled up together on the couch to laugh at the hilarity that is Jim Gaffigan (hot pockets) and I couldn't help but feel that everything in the universe was completely right at that very moment.

We've been married almost a year now, and so I'm reflecting a bit on what that's meant to me and to my life. Basically, everything. I can't nail it down to one specific change; it's a series of many little changes that being married has brought about in my life. But despite all these changes, all the upheaval and trials and tribulations of the first year, I have never been happier. I am so content most days, happy just to go home and snuggle on the couch and let the day drift away. My favorite place in the world these days is his shoulder, where I can bury my face in his neck and feel that I am home.

We are still struggling. We still fight sometimes. But more often than not the fights end in laughter, and they're certainly not the scary variety that they were when we were first married and my thoughts were tinged with the panic born of a lifelong decision made. The panic has been replaced with a calm in my heart that I am grateful to know. And I am grateful--I am so blessed.

This is all I can think as I drift off to sleep. It's my prayer, my lullaby--that I am so lucky to have this man beside me, so blessed to know this feeling.


i carry your heart with me
ee cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)


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